Booyow was able to obtain this exclusive video, which shows the previous post by the Booyow.net Investigatory Team was wrong. This video shows that John and Bruno are valuable assets to their company and not just glorified secretaries.
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*props to Caruso for the idea
John and Bruno stand with other winners of the award
The Webster’s Dictionary defines secretary as follows:
“One employed to handle correspondence and manage routine and detail work for a superior”
A glorified secretary is a person who does the same work, but argues they have a job far more important than a secretary. Booyow.net would like to congratulate both John and Bruno as winners of the coveted Glorified Secretary Award for 2009!
John and Bruno were selected recently for their work done at a law firm during 2009 Year. The Booyow.net investigatory team was able to reach their cousin Fred for comment.
“I’m really happy for both of them, they just don’t know how unimportant all the work they do at the law firm is. I mean, can you imagine how much is given back to the law firm when they have a two hour plus conversation with me on gmail or facebook? It really shows they go that extra mile” Fred continued, “You know the law firm doesn’t know what they’re getting, I mean look at the previous post on this website! It was done at 4:20 PM, prime work hours (or so I hear), not only are they getting a secretary they’re getting someone who can post on a blog AT work hours!” When asked about the severity of the post against him, Fred replied, “You know, I get a lot for not working, but I have multiple jobs. I’m currently following in the footsteps of our Lord Jesus Christ as a carpenter, I’m a marketing intern, run a successful website … it doesn’t end there, I also do charity work. I recently made a website for free for a tutoring company that operates in my neighborhood, when you think back on it it’s all about the kids. I was surprised when Bruno wrote that article, you think the years of drinks, rides, and fights won for him would get you something better than that, but he recently leased me his iPod, so I can’t complain.”
The Booyow.net investigatory team asked what he thought of John’s work ethic and remarks in the post, Fred replied, “You know, John’s always been a semi-great older brother. Just when you think he lets you down, POW, he hits you with a surprise Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 video game for your birthday, the biggest surprise being it was given to me two weeks after my birthday. I have to admit, one day when I find a 25-30 hour job a week like him, I’m definitely going to lock myself into it.” We asked what he thought of the bottom of the post, pertaining to physical fitness and dress styles, “Oh man, you have to wonder how he stays in peak physical condition. A month ago I saw him last a full 10 minutes on the bike at the club, he almost beat Richie Cat’s record of 12 minutes, I’m looking forward to when he can beat the blind guy on the bike. I have to give it to him though, he has made strides in athletics. Three years ago he was the worst player on our softball team [Smokeys], and now look at him, ever since Stephen Hawking joined his hockey team [Warriors] hes only the third worst player on the team. I’m really looking forward to the volleyball season, he definitely was the worst player on our team [Lift City], but hey if we find some really shitty recruits I can see him jumping up to maybe second or third worst, hey if there could be a miracle in me getting a job I don’t see a miracle in him jumping to fourth worst!” When asked about when John insulted his Jeans, Fred declined comment stating, “He gave me a pretty good looking hoody, I can’t complain.”
We asked about the depression he’s going through, and Fred said he’s received help in many places, “You have to look who you’re real friends are. Vince has let up on weight comments. The Cugino brings me out every night to get my mind off things. When Russo isn’t overcharging food, he’s always good for a heart to heart. Stockdawg, great mw2 player, great man. Spotch will always sing me Linger. Caruso texts me for a good lift or racquetball. But the real hero here? I’m not going to say names, but it’s a certain person who received an A in Professional Responsiblity who showed me the light in Third Eye Blind, because when you listen to 3eb, nothing can go wrong.”
As Fred, owner of Booyow.net, continues to slide into a crippling depression, his observant eye has remained critical of those around him, as illustrated in recent booyow.net posts.
“This shouldn’t be a surprise. He drinks all night and sleeps all day,” said his mother when reached for comment. “The kid’s only joy comes from watching reruns of the OC and playing Call of Duty. He claims that he is “good at both.” Of course he’s going to look down at other [successful] people. It’s his defense mechanism.”
The other [successful] people referenced are possibly John and Bruno. John and Bruno wake up every day, trudge to work, put in their hours (John recently wrote a “quite good” mediation memo for a high profile case and Bruno is writing an Appellate Brief to be filed in Third District Appellate Court of Illinois), and then still make it to class. Yet, Fred has felt the need to disparage both of them in posts about their performance in a meaningless class, and Bruno’s inability to keep cell phones from breaking.
“I’d be mad, if he weren’t so pathetic,” Bruno commented. “He’ll crack jokes as a way to deflect how miserable he is. But what are the facts? I’ve had my laptop two years. My previous cell phone lasted a year and is in great condition. I take care of my belongings. I wrote an Appellate brief already, and I’m working on another. Got an A- in Workers’ Compensation. But you don’t see that reported on Booyow.net. If Fred wrote an article detailing my many triumphs, his brains would be found splattered all over his computer monitor from 1996, and the “publish” button would go unclicked. He wouldn’t make it through the whole thing without killing himself, the miserable prick.”
John added, “And I do even more than Bruno. I play hockey. I’m in peak physical condition – and I manage this in light of a grueling work week and a stacked school schedule. Fred has nothing but time. What was the last thing he lifted? A one pound burger from Schaller’s? I’m not quite sure that counts.”
When reached for comment on the publication of this article, Fred answered, “Is this the bank? huh? Call me later, I’m still sleeping.” It was 1:30 in the afternoon.
Fred, Crying on a Park Bench
Dutch sits outside Halligan Bar and dreams of his Dodge Charger
The scene was horrible late Saturday night as Dutch was left at Halligan Bar without a car. Dutch drives out most nights, but this night he trusted his roommate to bring him home. Everything went according to plan until his roommate mysteriously disappeared with an unidentified tall European male into the night. Booyow.net contacted Dutch who stated, “I’m glad Boowow decided to put this story up, I was left at Halligan bar without any transportation home. I’m used to driving a sleek black Dodge Charger with a Hemi … I was forced to take a cab home and had to wash my clothes many times from the smell of the cab.”
Booyow.net also learned Dutch is filing charged against his roommate for emotional damage from taking the cab home and cleaning bills for said clothing.
Fred hard at work studying (Not Pictured: John and Bruno playing grab ass)
For years both DePaul Alumni Fred (you can’t handle me) and Fred (successful web entrepreneur) have heard from their cousins, who went to Marquette and Fordham, that their education was sub par. John and Bruno claim that since DePaul is not a real university, because it is not deemed a tier one school. Fred (successful web entrepreneur) always had the last laugh stating his massive GPA of 3.58 (including a 3.72 in Economics), but now Fred (you can’t handle me) can also join that club.
Recently, Fred, John, and Bruno all took Professional Responsibility in law school, the grades were as follows:
Fred: A-
Bruno: C+
John: C-
When Booyow.net reached all three for comment, only Fred answered out question stating,
I work hard for my grades. I received an A- in a class during the fantasy football season, do you know how hard that is? To balance my line up and study at the same time? It is very difficult. While I’m studying in the library, John and Bruno are at their ‘law job’ playing grab ass (evidence, here, here, and here). They should really start to hit the books before their GPAs begin to drop. I haven’t felt this good since my 96% on Scott Bucking’s Fertile Crescent Final.
There was a lot of movement in the Uncle Chucky Top 100 for the New Year.
Caruso continues to have a command on the number 1 spot, but newcomer to the rankings Russo has made a lot of strides and continues to climb the rankings and looks to be threatening Fred’s number two spot. These three have met little competition from the others on the rankings. The Cugino and Vince both continue to fall after being Uncle Chucky’s favorite nephews.
Vegas odds makers do not see this phone going further than March in the current odds. They do however have faith in Bruno in the early months of January and February, but a complete lack of faith in March. The Booyow.net investigatory team learned the lower odds in March were caused by Spotch and Caruso’s birthday and St. Patrick’s Day.
Many people who thought they would get an easy win with hopes of Bruno dropping the phone in the toilet (Five Razer Phones) were shocked when they learned Vegas only counted this as damaged, and not broken.
Jerk of the Day: People who steal other people’s material.
1.) John Walz
2.) Carlos Mencia
Sources say John used this device to steal the ideas from Bruno’s Brain
Jerks of the Day: Fat People on the CTA
I know we all come in all shapes and sizes, and are all God’s creatures….and give me a break.
There’s a new sheriff in town, and this is the new rule: if you want to be fat, own a car and drive it. If you’re going to feed off the CTA – literally and figuratively (though I don’t know how that would work figuratively) – you better lose some weight. Here are some thoughts, in numbered fashion, on obese CTA riders:
1.) You’re taking up extra space. How do your massive ass cheeks resting on two separate seats not tell you, “Hey, maybe I should join a gym?”
2.) You’re adding to fuel costs by increasing the weight of the haul.
3.) Eat a banana instead of a bag of Dorito’s for breakfast.
4.) I’m going to have a meeting with Rich Rodriguez. In that meeting, I’m going to get him to change the pricing system of CTA ridership to that of a deli: we will begin charging by the pound. Let’s see what wins out: laziness or cheapness. (For me, it’s cheapness)
5.) You’re fat…and more times than not you’re loud, too. Believe me, we already see you. You’re blocking the light coming in from the windows. You do not need to make us any more aware of your presence. The pepperoni slices caught between the rolls in your stomach make us plenty aware.
8:04: Joey has already had to change his underwear.
8:05: Gone for 12 years and returning in jean shorts. Apparently Bret’s fashion sense has been stuck in a time loop in 1997.
8:07: “Some things never change.” Except Jerry Lawyler being a funny commentator.
8:08: Then again, Shawn Michaels has been telling people to “suck it” for 12 years. Maybe they don’t change.
8:09: Shawn Michaels took an overdose of the extra serious pills.
8:12: “They said no one wanted to see our Iron Man Match.” They said the people wouldn’t stand for 60 minutes of headlocks and drop kicks! But we proved ‘em wrong, we did!
8:13: More seriously, it seems like Bret took the past 12 years to improve his mic skills.
8:14: Someone keeps yelling “sharp shooter.” Is Spotch in that crowd?
8:17: Glad Shawn and Triple H are tag team champs. They can really use the push.
8:21: Vince McMahon was in a meeting during the opening 20 minutes of Raw? Lies.
8:22: Putting on a women’s wrestling match is the equivalent of instructing me to change the channel.
8:23: FBR isn’t here, so I’ll say it to myself: “What do you want to bet this ends in a roll up and a hold of the tights?”
8:24: If you separate Michael Cole’s phrases, he sounds retarded. “A tremendous athlete from SCOTSDALE, Arizona. Drop kick. Wild.”
8:25: Didn’t end in a surprise roll up. If FBR were home, I would have one a coca cola.
8:26: Sorry blond hair wrestling check, a DDT by any other name is still a DDT. And a very lame finishing move.
8:27: Wasn’t this guy [the Miz] from Chapelle’s show? The only white guy on the Real World parody?
8:28: what’s with the locked wrists behind his back? looks like he’s desperately trying to hold back a dump.
8:34: The Miz — we get it. You watched a whole lot of Chris Jericho interviews from the late 90′s.
8:35: The person on the receiving end of MVP’s “playmaker” finishing move has to do more to make the move happen than MVP.
8:37: http://cdn.videogum.com/img/thumbnails/posts/ffchad.jpg or http://images3.funadvice.com/photo/image/131362/18.jpg
8:44: Bret Hart: “I’m not a hipper-crit”
8:45: He said it again!! I see a new catch phrase in the future.
8:46: To this day, I’m convinced that unnatural things happened in the Hart dungeon.
8:47: DX has a pet midget? What? I don’t get this.
8:48: Off Topic: There’s nothing I want to see less than Youth In Revolt. Try on a new hat Michael Cera, this schtick is getting old.
8:50: Off Topic: Why couldn’t KFC make the grilled chicken without flour? Is asking this here more pointless than asking a Facebook page if a store is open?
8:52: I think Raw hypes their ratings to let us know that we’re not the only retards still watching this shit. (and based on all the non-Bret stuff, this is shit.)
8:54: We’re going to team up Chris Jericho and the Big Show. What do we do for theme music? Play their current songs at the same time! Brilliant.
8:56: I have a feeling a 3 minute head lock is going to take place during this commercial break.
9:07: If the WWE allowed wrestlers to challenge calls, that pin would have to be overturned.
9:08: Over on TNA, Mick Foley just broke into the arena. This might get my viewing!
9:08: Being able to flip from one wrestling show to another….well, that just felt really good. Am I 12 again?
9:18: Burn Notice looks like a slick show.
9:24: When did Fred becomes the WWE champion?
9:25: http://www.showbizireland.com/images/stars2/sheamus_wwe_03.jpg
10:00: a t shirt tucked into jean shorts. Bret Hart is officially Dunor.
10:01: Shawn Michaels could take a lesson or two from McMahon.
10:07: gonna be a clothesline?
10:08: kick to the gut!
10:09: ending good enough to make me watch next week.
