Chicago, IL, February 28, 2010 — Earlier this evening BVT released a message via Facebook, informing the world that he is being held  against his will.

“I am not living here by choice,” BVT declared.  The S.O.S. continued, “My family…was brought here as slaves.”

It is unclear who brought BVT’s family here as slaves or whether those same people are currently holding him captive.  No ransom note has been released.  The demands of his captors are unclear.

Also unclear is how BVT accessed the internet to post his statement.  Due to the statement’s correct syntax and spelling, experts opine that the post was not posted from his mobile device and that perhaps he had help writing it.

A search party will begin looking for BVT at sunrise tomorrow morning.  The search is to begin at Punky’s, if it is open.

-Booyow Press

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Booyow.net was live at the Warrior’s victory late Saturday evening and took a nice video of some action after the second intermission. Best of luck in the coming season Warriors!

Brandon threatens Andy Reid to not let Westbrook back on the team, in fear of Willy’s offense

For years Willy’s Madden offense led by Donovan McNabb and Brian Westbrook plagued residents of the Bridgeport area. Both Fred and Brandon felt the pain of this offense, Fred commented, “I never really minded Westbrook, but running with the quarterback? That’s just plain cheese.” Brandon on the other hand, often has bad dreams of past Madden games against Westbrook. Brandon claims that not only does Willy use the Eagles, his claim to the best team on the game, but the best position player, “Fred and Willy both do the same thing, they use the best player at a given position. Willy is the worst with Brian Westbrook, a combination of runner and receiver, his game is nearly unstoppable.”

The NFLPA, with help of the Booyow.net Investigatory team, is conducting an investigation to see whether Brandon threatened Andy Reid into releasing Westbrook.

Westbrook is the all time leader in Madden in rushing, receiving, scrimmage yards, yards per carry, and touchdowns.

Union Break!

Hey Dennis, you and little Nicky sharing clothes yet?

[Air Compressor is Brought Out] Hey Chuck, that for your girlfriend? Do you only half inflate her so she’s not taller than you?

[Uncle Dennis and Uncle Chucky Arguing Over Math] It’s an unarmed battle of brains and wits. Neither has a weapon.

Scholars and gentlemen alike were shocked when they heard the news of Cugino University closing its doors. School president, The Cugino, blamed the closing on the state of the economy and lack of admission of students worthy of being a Cugino, but rumors are circulating the school closed for other reasons. One source, who chose not to be named, stated,

We all know why Cugino University is closing, its because everyone is transferring to North Side Vince Prepatory School. Ever since school president Vince got of his two year slump and is back on his game, everyone wants to go there … The Cugino also set the bar too high for admissions, most applicants had to meet at least 275/301 ways to be a Cugino, its nearly impossible as over 75 have to do with being a fireman and knowing how to operate a machine.

Booyow.net learned the only class Cugino University students excellerated in was, “Opening a Plenty of Fish Account 101.”

The scene inside Joe’s Altima early Sunday morning

Booyow.net received word that John was banned from not one, but two vehicles this past weekend.

A trip to Wendy’s turned fatal for Russo’s immaculate Nissan Altima late Saturday night when John decided to put ketchup on his fries. Russo claims the ketchup went everywhere, “This car has survived rides home from both Mikey and Fred, I’m surprised John was the one who ruined my backseat. It reminds me of the time his cousin Bruno jumped in my backseat with a permanent marker tattoo on his bare back. Bruno not only puked in the backseat, but the tattoo was imprinted on the seat as well. They should look to their cousin Fred for how to behave in a car.”

Russo is filing charges against John to receive payment for the following items:
- XXXL Poncho Style Blackhawks Alternate Jersey (Fits Two)
- Pre-Algebra Book
- Lord of the Rings Two Towers DVD
- Mint Condition Bret Hart Action Figure (Pre Stroke)

John also puked on the side of the Cugino’s car early Monday morning and promised to pay for a car wash. The Cugino was not lenient in his ruling to ban John citing, “If he read 301 ways to be a Cugino, he’d realize #34 is that a Cugino never pukes inside of the Cugino’s car.”

Booyow.net is donating money to the John Ride Foundation because the only car left to be in is Vince’s, and the putrid smell of old Bananas and Hockey is unbearable.

From the people who brought you the BTAOC comes a book whose importance rivals only the Bible.

301 Ways To Be A Cugino.

Some excerpts from the book,

#1, A Cugino never cock blocks another Cugino

#141, A Cugino owns a pair of work boots

#202, A Cugino looks similar to Vince, but with brown eyes

It is not know if the facts are in a random order, or whether they are ranked in most important.

Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea

All we do, crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see

Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind

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The Booyow.net Investigatory team worked late into the early hours of Sunday morning to catch two Booyow.net readers leaving a bar.

Roberto Luongo and Joe spend time together after a victory

Booyow.net would like to congratulate Roberto Luongo on his recent reward of free food for life at an expensive Wisconsin Italian restaurant. Roberto was bestowed this honor after a long and dutiful service to Russo’s NHL 10 squad. When asked about his goalie talents, Luongo commented, “It is a hard job, whenever John and Russo play I have to expect that I am going to be shot on around 35-45 times, compared to the other goalie who receives only around 10-15 shots. It doesn’t matter though, I know I have Joe who shoots around 40% and I know that he can give me goal support, even though most of his goals are ‘lucky goals’ from the blue line, or a simple wrap around, he’s there for me and I’m there for him.” Russo declined comment citing good sportsmanship, as he did not want to gloat his various victories over John. No official quote from John could be obtained, but the phrases, “Lucky Goal”, “Complete Dominance”, “Unbelievable”, and “This is no where near to what real hockey is like” were heard mumbled underneath his breath.

Luongo has long been a feared goalie in NHL 10 for Ps3, but every goalie has his fears, “As far as this game goes, I’ll take on anyone … with exception of Fred and the Senators. I simply cannot go against those jerseys, and once the roster update goes through and he gets Spezza and Alfredsson on the hero line? I don’t see anyone beating him in the future.”