The Cugino’s ideal situation for a race

The world of competitive running was turned upside down earlier today when oddsmakers learned of the proposed five mile race between the Cugino and Vince. While many people think Vince is the easy favorite to win, this is not your ordinary five mile race.

The proposed race will have a Halligan Bartender sitting at the finish line with Panzarottis from Punky’s. This is the situation that baffled Vegas Oddsmakers. Do you take Vince’s “Northside Athletic Ability” or the Cugino chasing two of his all time favorite things? In addition, Vegas also had to take into account what fake injury Vince will have at the day of the race. He currently is wearing a fake sling, but Vegas predicts he may show up to the race in a wheel chair and be forced to wheel himself against the Cugino.

The race is still in negotiation, but Booyow.net has decided to post our own odds.

- 5 Mile Race (No Halligan Bartender or Panzarottis)
Vince -5000
Cugino +3000

- 5 Mile Race with Halligan Bartender and Panzarottis
Vince -115
Cugino -115

- 5 Mile Race with Halligan Bartender and Panzarottis, Vince faking injury
Vince +150
Cugino -175

Nicky calls in support from his cousin, the Halligan Hulk

Chicago, IL, March 22, 2010 – Early Saturday evening an area man attempted to drink a martini at Halligan Bar, located at the intersection of Belden and Lincoln Avenue.  The Drink Police quickly intervened and prevented him from enjoying it without criticism.

“There’s a time and place!” exclaimed one of the irate officers.
“Vodka AND!  Whiskey AND!” instructed the other officer, who apparently assumed that the area man didn’t possess the necessary verbal skills to order a mixed drink.

After a few minutes, one of the officers frustratingly asked, “What is that?”  Confused by both his tone and word choice, the area man quizzically responded, “Gin and vermouth.”

The officer then flashed his official Drink Police badge, loosened his tie, and shouted, “I KNOW WHAT’S IN A MARTINI!”

The interrogation stopped shortly thereafter.  No arrests were made.

Booyow.net learned from a Croatian National that these two men terrorized Halligan Bar late Wednesday evening. Rumors confirmed the man on the left screamed “HAHAHAHAHAHA” at patrons, while the man in the background acted as his muscle.

Fred, Stocker, and Nick pose on High Rise while Russo summons a case

The Xbox community got its long awaited wish Saturday afternoon when Fred received his Xbox in the mail. Fred, originally known as the BigDoubleDizzle, unfortunately lost his password and had to rename himself freddydubb. He commented, “It was a huge loss to the team that I had to change my name, but I think it is for the better. If someone saw Stockdawg08 and BigDoubleDizzle playing, they’d recognize us, realize they have no chance, and leave the game, it’s a blessing in disguise.” Stocker over the last few months has been mentoring Nicky in the anticipation that one day Fred would get a Xbox and that day is finally here. Best of luck guys!

Spotch celebrated his emancipation with Honest Abe Lincoln

A source close to booyow.net revealed late Thursday afternoon that Spotch will be emancipated from slavery on April 13th. For years Spotch endured long hours of work, forced to listen to restaurant review and a girl who does not have hiring/firing power, but this is all over as Abraham Lincoln emancipated Spotch. The two celebrated at a play sometime last week, Abe could not be reached for comment afterwards.

Uncle Dennis’ vision of a true Vampire Weekend may never occur

Late Saturday afternoon the players of the mediocore adult pop warner hockey league team The Warriors gathered in the Stanley Club to discuss their last game and current events. The most controversial topic was how John scored a goal and Vince only scored a lucky junk time goal, which probably shouldn’t have even counted. Furthermore, John also leads Vince in points this season, disgrace. John also brought up how “Vampire Weekend was going to be on the radio.” Uncle Dennis, an avid lover of monster themed music, was thoroughly excited and stated, “What is that, when the music station plays all vampire related music all weekend?” John then told Uncle Dennis how Vampire Weekend was infact a band, not a weekend dedicated to Vampire music.

Dr. Phil comforts a grieving Vince

History was made early Sunday afternoon when Vince cried for the first time ever during a screening of 2012. Near the end of the movie one of the characters thinks John Cusack has died, but it is revealed seconds later that he is not dead. The people watching the movie then heard an unfamiliar noise coming from Vince, then saw what they couldn’t believe. John, a mediocre law student, reported what happened next, “We all heard a sniffling noise coming from Vince, we thought it was maybe a cough. We then saw a tear come from his eye, I couldn’t believe it.”

Booyow.net was able to reach Vince for his comments on the situation, “I didn’t know what was going on, I felt this feeling in my heart I’ve never felt before, it was truly strange. After the warm sensation in my heart, my chin began to wobble, I thought I was going through a heart attack or a seizure. Then all of a sudden, this warm liquid came out of my eye socket, I almost panicked and I was scared … I turned around asked what happened, my friends told me that the strange liquid was actually called a ‘tear’ and they come out in times of extreme emotion, I had no idea what either word meant.”

Scientists were later called in to analyze Vince’s tears.

Dutch arrives on 36th and Halsted to save John from a BVT Beatdown

Chaos engulfed the small neigborhood of Bridgeport late Monday evening as a fight between two potential lawyers almost went completely out of control. John posted a humorous picture of BVT and BVT responded with a threat. Not knowing where to go, John decided to call the internet police for rescue.

Luckily for John, the internet police never showed, the Dutchman showed instead. Dutch immedietely took control of the situation seperating John and BVT. It took him a long time to defuse the situation as John and BVT continued to hurl insults at each other. Using his expert negotiation skills, Dutch gave each party involved a special DVD from his immense porn collection. Dutch commented, “Brother, all I wanted to do was get out of there as quick as possible, I was hungry. I wanted to jump on a #8 at Jimmy John’s, nothing on it, double meat, if that means I have to give some DVDs out of my expansive collection, I’ll do it.” Rumors are being spread that Dutch is on standby in case another argument erupts between the two potential lawyers.