
The Walz family celebrates John's accomplishment
John Walz, a glorified secretary at a downtown Chicago law firm, helped secure a six-figure settlement earlier this week. Walz helped craft a mediation memo in a highly contested wrongful death car accident case in which the Defendant denied liability numerous times. Though Walz is only able to put in 25-30 hours per week at work* he wrote what associate attorney David “Jumpin Catfish” Vander Ploeg referred to as “as great, solid memo.”
Even more amazing was the fact that the settlement was reached in McClean County, Illinois, where locals chase plaintiff’s attorneys out of town with pitchforks and torches. “I’ve had people, namely unemployed people, question my work ethic,” said Walz, “but it doesn’t phase me. At least I never got fired by Outfit Events.”
*25-30 more hours than brother Fred, pictured above in the shit-brown polo