After days of the Dow Jones Industrial Average teetering on going below 8000 once again, CBOE trader Ricky Scumaci said he had enough. “Ya know, I don’t want people out on the street.  When the going gets tough, the Scamotch gets going!” said a jubilant Scumaci.  By purchasing stock in Sambuca, Southern Comfort and Amaretto, Scumaci not only brought back life to the Dow, but also ensured he would be shooting his favorites for a long time to come.  “With all the money I made today, look at Halligans!” Scumaci said as he polished his patented Italian flag belt buckle.

Roti on the bench with Quenneville in 2006

In what was seen as an expected move, new Blackhawks Coach Joel Quenneville named Fred Roti as an assistant coach today.  Roti previously worked with Quenneville in Colorado where he was instrumental in motivating the young Avalanche team to consecutive playoff berths.  “I can’t wait to get started,” Roti said, “we’ve got a great young team with some real potential.  Don’t mess with Roti.”  Quenneville replaced Denis Savard last week after Hawks management felt that the Hawks needed a coach with more experience in order to lead the Hawks back to the playoffs.  In his over 10 years of coaching, Quenneville boasts over 400 career wins, 9 playoff appearances, and one of the most formidable and well-trimmed moustaches in the game.

After 7 weeks of fantasy football in the Bridgeport 2008 League, only 3 teams out of 10 have managed to top 700 points.  The Red Line Killer (Tom), Drew Bennett Fan Club (Spotch), and Team Gilgamesh (John) have all managed to average over 100 points per week for the first half of the fantasy season.  Ironically, Team Gilgamesh is stuck in 6th Place since some inferior teams (Brandon, I’m looking in your direction) manage to win games by scoring 75 points a week.  But, I guess that’s the nature of the beast in fantasy and hopefully Team Gilgamesh can get through the season without ending a career or killing someone’s father.*

* R.I.P. Trent Green Sr.

Let’s just go over this for the record:

1. Steven Jackson triples his season touchdown total

2. The Bears Defense gets credit for 3 TDS, two that occurred on special teams and one where Rashied Davis picked up a ball on the 1 yard line.

3. Chad Johnson sets a season high in receptions, yards and TD’s.  In the first half.

I’ve also just been informed that Tommy has won the lottery in the following states: Illinois, Indiana, New York, New Jersey, Texas, California and Maine.  Tommy found out as soon as he got his 4th Royal Flush in a poker tournament in Las Vegas.

He's heating up!

Inspired by Ricky. Even though I still don’t understand it.  Click for large image.

Looks like Dave Bolland isn’t going to be on the power play anymore….

Click image for larger picture

The document before it was ratified

The founding Cuginos of 3636 S. Union drafted their Banned list this weekend in order to form a more perfect union at their dwelling.  The First Cugino Continental Congress (FCCC) took place Sunday, October 12, 2008, where the first seven banned hethans were announced.  To date, two delegates have signed, but two delegates are holding out until the final document is completed.  Chancellor Frank “The Cugino” Vulich stated that there would be amendments even after the document was complete, but only upon a unanimous vote.  “Let me tell you a thing or two about a thing or two,” Vulich said, “if you make that list, that’s it.  You’re banned!”

Click the picture for a larger image.

The person in the grainy picture above is none other than local Bridgeport CBOE trader Ricky Scumaci.  Ricky was spotted last night at Haligans in Lincoln Park where he announced his plan to save the U.S. economy.  His plan would be for all bar patrons to open tabs and run them until they reach well above $500, thus pumping more hard capital into the economy.  “Ya know, it makes sense. Hold on. THIS IS THE LIFE WE CHOSE!  Ok, wait. HAGEN YOU SON OF A BITCH! What are we talking about again?” said an obviously innebriated Scumaci.  The proposal will go before Congress this Monday.

Poor Photoshop skills or not, our local celebrity Brandon Drozd is indeed in the movie “The Express” opening everywhere today.  Brandon did not receive top billing, some loser named Dennis Quaid did.  Apparently he used to nail Meg Ryan.*  Go over to http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi762380313/ and with about 20 seconds left, you see him in the background.  He’s #58 and he’s the one bobbing his head.

*Brandon has nailed way hotter girls than Meg Ryan