Best caption wins a check for $3.75

We have a winner: ‘”Look at Cugino’s Balls!” – Danielle , “The tip of his penis is also nice” – Vince’

Congratulations to the winning entry, who shall remain anonymous.  You earned every bit of your $3.75 by not only ignoring a Danielle/Vince-romantic-history joke, but also passing on a Vince/Willy-man-crush joke and going straight to a Cugino-large-penis joke.

Click the image to fully experience the humiliation

It finally happened. After only three seasons with the Warriors hockey club, John Walz has surpassed Vince Arrigo as a superior hockey player.* Walz finished the season with 5 goals and 4 assists which seems likes a world apart from Arrigo’s meager 4 goals and 2 assists. Arrigo, who apparently thought penalty minutes was the most important stat, was befuddled, “I mean, you can only kick the puck in while standing in the crease so many times before teams catch on. This is ridiculous.” Walz, on the other hand, handled the situation with class and humility, “Vince was a great mentor to me, but the torch has obviously been passed.” The Warriors new season begins in September.

* Based solely on Pointstreak performance and nothing to do with ability to skate, stop, puckhandle, shoot, backcheck, play defense, forecheck, etc.

“I’m not playing you in Bingo…”

This fall, Cugino University will be opening its doors for its inaugural school year.  The founder, Frank Vulich, has been hard at work for many years in hopes of opening his own university to craft the minds of young men in the mysterious ways the Cugino.

Such course offerings will include: Cuginglish 101, Cujitsu, Cuginology (studying gators and extinct giraffes), Cuginomics, and Advanced Meditations in Cugonism to name just a few.  Admission is rolling, so  potential Cuginites can submit applications at any time.

As soon as word of the university’s opening spread, attendance at Northside Vince Arrigo School plummeted.  The mass exodus from NVAS was not seen as a surprise in that many students had become angered by recent mandatory additions to the curriculum such as “Advanced Rat Tails” and “Faking Injuries to Impress Girls 204.”

Another famous Fashonista named Bruno gave the residents at 3636 S. Union a sneak peek at what all the big designers will be featuring this fall. Bruno, outfitted in mesh basketball shorts, a white short-sleeve button down and a cowboy hat, said that his look will be the norm this fall. “The color of the mesh shorts is critical,” Bruno said, “you definitely do not want it to clash with shirt. Think neutral colors like blacks, grays, and whites. As for the cowboy hat, I prefer a nice straw one. It’s says ‘it’s for fashion’ not ‘it’s for a Toby Keith concert.’” You can read the rest of Bruno’s style tips in next months GQ where he will be featured in his own mail-in question section.

(Editor’s note: Please do not be distracted by the contents on the counter; the bag of sugar, sunscreen, bottle of beer, ketchup, Taco Eridera hot sauce, cellphone, CVS receipt, shady black plastic bag, quart of lemonade, and purse and focus on Bruno’s apparel.)

I tried my best to do an impression of Paul “The Greek” Morris.  You be the judge.